That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
