Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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