its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I got inside last night via doggy door
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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