My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
