i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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