im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
