I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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