the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
