12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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