u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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