she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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