Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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