This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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