Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
