my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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