Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
