I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
