my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Found the puke drawer
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
