am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
