1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
