I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
