So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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