dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
