Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
