The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
