His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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