You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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