I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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