I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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