a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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