Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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