a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
