Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
