I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
