you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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