And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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