think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
