she woke up with a sticky ear
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
