erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
