My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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