I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
