ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
