matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
