By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
