when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
