thanks...oh and i got my period
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian