I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.