Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."