the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
