So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
