Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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