What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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