i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
