I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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