I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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