I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Randomize
