don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
