I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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