I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
