i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Floor bacon is actually really good
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
