He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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