.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize