brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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