I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
