Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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