I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
