Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
