I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
