went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
