one two three fourrrrnication!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
