Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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