Dual....:-)
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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