Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
