I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
